Alternate title…Know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em.
Man…I feel like I am in that uncomfortable, yet valuable and necessary location called “Lesson City”! Lesson City is located between and Discomfort Junction and Relief Town. The trick here is to be willing to heed the lessons, learn from them and move on more powerfully than before.
With the work that I do, and becoming more and more energetically sensitive, I find myself fine tuning all the time, and lately this has resulted in situations where I have to re-evaluate relationships that have been dragging me down.
Historically, I, like many of us, have found it “easier” to keep trudging along, tolerating people who I have either outgrown, or that I have allowed to treat me in ways that are unacceptable. And the longer I accept this behavior, the more difficult it is to rectify it without drama. Ugh.
So, my question is…how do we nip this stuff in the bud? Or…what is the best way to let someone go?
First, we need to determine if the relationship is salvagable…is there enough good there to make confronting the icky stuff worth it?
What I have found just recently is that when I tried to have some clear, honest communication with a person that I was having this issue with, it was immediately taken by her as hurt, and insult and betrayal. And I hadn’t even brought up the issue yet. I just asked if we could talk about something!
The good news in this scenario is that her reaction gave me even more clarity about whether I wanted our relationship to continue or not…and I choose NOT.
In the last several years, I have become very choosy about with whom I spend my time. And as a result, I have had to let some people go, some of which are very old friends. Some friends and I call it “contract over”. I do not believe that we need to hold onto every person that we have ever met in our lives. We are continuously growing (hopefully!) and changing. The people who cannot grow and change, whose stories are the same, year after year, without any attempt to remedy it or get to the heart of the problem, are people that I can’t afford to spend time and energy with.
I believe that this all boils down to self love and a feeling of worthiness. And the more that I love myself and know that I am worthy of feeling good, the more I am able to let go of what is no longer working for me. Knowing that when I am taking care of myself first, I am in a much stronger and powerful position to help others do the same.
Admittedly, I have not yet perfected my “dismount” from these relationships, but I am working on it and learning as much as I can with each release so that the next one can be smoother and less stressful. And I would imagine that there will always be an inherent discomfort and sometimes sadness in doing this. However, the question is…which is worse in the long run…maintaining the relationship with all of the energetic crap it holds, or to rip off the band aid and deal with some temporary discomfort to get eventual relief?
This certainly takes some energy to be willing to confront this, but believe me, it is worth it in the long run. And, by doing this, it makes you really appreciate those in your life who you value and who value you.